Handmaid Go-To Headcanon Post

[deathmaiden]

Note: The majority of this is headcanon drawn on inferences from what we do know about Handmaid. Anything that is canon will be highlighted as such through italics. I do not claim that my interpretation is better than anyone else’s, but you are free to adapt what I wrote into your personal headcanon if you so wish it. Inferences are drawn on canon material, along with what we know about troll culture, the trolls, the nature of the game and most importantly her caretakers (Doc Scratch when she was a child and Lord English as an adult).

Childhood

This is the easiest portion to fill out because it is the one we saw in canon the most. Handmaid was the last of the ancestors to reach Alternia, leaving her gate 6 sweeps before Condesce returned to Alternia. This means 606 sweeps have passed since the trolls entered Alternia and the race became virtually decimated by the Vast Glub, with the exception of Condesce. Handmaid was not affected by the Glub because she was in transit during it and the psychic kill whisper did not reach her. She was never meant to land on the Green Moon, but Doc Scratch used his First Guardian powers to transport the meteor to his mansion safely and picked her up from there. Handmaid knew that he was not a normal lusus early on and he flat out told her early into her childhood (maybe at about 2/3 sweeps old) what all her lessons were for. He also never gave her a real name, only referring to her as “girl” throughout the entirety of the time she was there.

All of Handmaid’s exposure to troll culture, as a child at least, came from what she was taught by Doc Scratch of it. He more or less drilled Alternian history into her lessons, as she would have to know what she would need to do, the outcome of her actions, any large political or historical figures that would advance the culture throughout time and so on. She more or less hated learning about it, because he put so much emphasis on how the nature of her actions was going to cause so much grief. Along with that, he tested her on a daily basis on this knowledge and if she didn’t remember it he would punish her by removing privileges. To him, everything she had was something he allowed her to have and if she didn’t deserve it he would take it. Adding on, she lived under a very strict schedule. He decided when she would wake up, when she would eat, learn, train, etc. If she disobeyed this schedule she would again be punished and any complaints would be met with her being blamed for her actions and the consequences, akin to victim blaming.

The only thing she enjoyed learning was clockwork majyyks, which she felt gave her some freedom and her natural affinity toward Time (as being Aradia’s ancestor) helped made her something into a quick prodigy. Her majyyk lessons were some of the first she had in her life and it made her happy to use such a beautiful power. Then she learned that the majyyks were part of a curse that would be placed on her and she would use the same colorful lights to brutally murder trolls. It was very disheartening and it was the first instance she felt true spite and hate toward Doc Scratch, for stealing away what was her only joy in her imprisonment. However, it was only after being told the story of the Signless and The Demoness for the first time did Handmaid began attempting suicide. Knowing that a peaceful Alternia did exist and that it was erased, along with bringing into existence her guardian and this horrible world, which was partly caused by her, pushed her over the edge. She didn’t know if it would help or if paradox space would collapse, but all she knew was that she didn’t want to become The Demoness that was described to her.

For the record, physical abuse was not nearly as prominent as mental and emotional abuse. For Doc Scratch the most important part of preparing Handmaid was to break her spirit. Her rebellious attitude came out as a result of his efforts, as it was one of the only ways she knew to combat him. GRIEFing with him did not work, as he clearly outclassed her each and every time, but she still attempted it because she knew it would show him that she is not so easily broken. Her multiple suicide attempts as time passed by was also part of this defiance.

All and all, Handmaid as a child was more or less lost. She read of lusus and how trolls grew up and easily saw from an early age that it was different from her upbringing. Doc Scratch, as an emotionless being who wants to make Handmaid into a weapon of suffering, is pretty much the worst parent in all existence and can’t raise a kid for squat. All her days were spent under strict regulation and to her the only freedom from this existence was dying, but it was also something she was denied of as a child and knew she would be denied of as an adult. It was a loveless life. Her only passing moment of true freedom and happiness was the sudden interruption of Hussie breaking in and attacking Doc Scratch, which gave her a chance to run away. It would have been a wonderful moment, only it turned into what could be the worst moment of her entire childhood. Because running from Doc Scratch only led her right to Lord English, the true Master who she was told would come for her.

Like the majority of anyone associated with The Felt, Handmaid did not know what Lord English looked like up until that moment. It was then she realized how utterly hopeless it was to escape and run, because he was already here. He was always there, as an entity of Death. And as such, she would become his envoy. The Handmaid to Death, denied of the eternal rest that she delivered to others with her powers.

Adulthood

Relations

Lord English

Much of her opinion toward Lord English stems back from her first meeting with him. While Handmaid had some stemming worries toward Doc Scratch, she was never truly afraid of him. He was someone she had known since the beginning of her life and never truly held fear in regard to him. Lord English, on the other hand, is the exact opposite. When she first met Lord English she was absolutely terrified for the first time in her life. He was not only the representation of Death, but the demon who she was told she would serve for the rest of her life. A very long life, given he expanded her lifespan. It was not just his appearance that struck fear into her, but simply the aura of evil he expelled just by meeting her eyes with his.

As time goes by she becomes more use to his imposing figure, but still can't help but have an ingrain fear of him. Not so much because of how he appears anymore, but because she worries what would happen if he decided to change the deal. What if he decided he didn't want her to die? That she would not be granted the eternal rest she was promised? The knowledge that her life is ultimately in his hands is what motivates her to do her duties, without any rebellion. So while she hates him, she does not go actively against him in fear of not being promised her reward.
 

 

Doc Scratch

 

 

Her relationship with Doc Scratch is not a very complex one. At one point she had no real concrete, just that he was a very strange man who had somehow come into guardianship over her. She didn't liked being locked in a room, or being forced to study and felt something was always very strange, but never thought of it as anything irregular. How could she? She wasn't raised in troll society and didn't know that having someone like Doc Scratch as a guardian wasn't normal. But, that was before he told her the truth - the first time when he told her the story of the Signless. After finding out that she was going to be used as a tool for generating bigotry, class warfare and creating a race of violent aliens through her actions, she became enraged. Doc Scratch was not a guardian, he was just a wolf in sheep's clothing. If Lord English was considered to be Death and she was his Handmaiden, then Doc Scratch was the Devil who orchestrated it all from behind the scenes.

 

Of course there is not much to toss her rage at. Doc Scratch never regarded her anger as something real and called any outburst just another 'bad mood' she was in. If she broke something, she would have her furniture priveledges removed. If she found a way to get out of the locked room, she would just be locked again and any method of previous escape would be blocked off. If she attacked him with her majyyks, he just easily brushed her off and disciplined her with a broom. Ultimately these were the only ways to get out much of her anger, despite none of them being effective. And much of the rage she was never able to express as a child carried over into her adult life, which is part of how she motivates herself to attack and kill trolls and warp their culture.

 

As Handmaid was given off the Lord English, she does not interact with Doc Scratch as an adult. She doesn't want to either. Seeing him only fills her up with terrible memories and anger, which she wants to move past and discard. She's tired of being angry - she just wants to die and get it over with. If she has to interact with him she will, but she certainly won't enjoy it. Handmaid may fear Lord English, but it is Doc Scratch she loathes. At least Lord English is open about how brutal of a monster he is, which more than she can say about the "excellent host" who raised her.

Ancestors

Ok obviously there are a lot of Ancestors and I personally doubt Handmaid interacted with all of them, because she's obviously busy. So, for the sake of ease, I'm just going to list off her outlooks on the Ancestors we know she has interacted with/knows of to some degree. Now for the record, I believe she knows who all of them are and their respected fates. I'm just going to expand on the two we know she has the most knowledge of (The Signless) and the one who will kill her (The Condesce)

 

The Condesce

The Signless
 

Aradia Megido

 

To understand Handmaid’s feelings toward Aradia, one has to remember a crucial fact: Handmaid knows The Scratch occurred.

Doc Scratch told her the story before, of how a universe existed where Alternia was peaceful. Then that peaceful world was tossed aside for the brutal one, which she was forced to help create. And in that universe she lived in the place of her descendant, with a lusus, friends, and was destined to be a hero who would usher in a new universe. However, they were unable to win and thus switched places with their Ancestor. So the Ancestor (Aradia) and the Descendant (Handmaid) switched placed in the Scratch universe, so now Handmaid is the Ancestor and Aradia is the Descendant. Handmaid doesn’t know much about the mechanics of Sgrub outside of that and she only knows this because Scratch told her.

So with that in mind, let me delve into Handmaid’s opinion toward Aradia. Now part of Handmaid’s duties was described as preparing the 12 trolls in subtle ways for the session, mostly through the change of the culture. She ultimately became curious about Aradia, as she was never quite informed to the upbringing of her descendant. It was a morbid sort of curiosity, as she could only think of how miserable Aradia was thanks to her. The lowest on the spectrum, having to endure massive bigotry because of her blood color, possibly living in shambles and oppression. Just thinking of Aradia living in misery like her would make her at least somewhat happy, because she would not be alone in suffering. Her descendant too would be miserable and it would make her feel better, if only a little.

But, that obviously didn’t turn out to be the case. Aradia lived a happy life, with friends who cared about her, a lusus who raised her well and even had a blooming matesprit love with Sollux. Aradia died, yes, but she also turned away from death and ascended to God Tier. If anything, the only feeling Handmaid grew from viewing Aradia’s life was envy. She became jealous of Aradia and, more than ever before, felt robbed of a life that she should have had.

This is where the knowledge of The Scratch plays in – Handmaid fully believes Aradia should have been the one trained to become Lord English’s devoted emissary of Death, and that she should have been the hero. That is how it was originally supposed to be, before the universe flipped their positions after The Scratch. To her Aradia is an eyesore, both literally (as we see young Handmaid looked exactly like Aradia and that only makes Handmaid remember her terrible childhood) and metaphorically as well. Aradia is hopeful, happy, alive, a fairy and is the embodiment of cheerful goodness. Handmaid is miserable, hollow, labeled a Demoness by her own kind and has resigned herself to a life of unhappiness, waiting for the day she can die.

Just the knowledge of another version of herself existing, and being happily alive, fills her with pain and spite. She doesn’t necessarily hate Aradia, but it's enough that her view of Aradia is muddled by her feelings of being robbed. Aradia gets to be the Hero of Time and Handmaid has to be a Villain of Time, who only causes misery and grief throughout the history of her planet and the troll race. And it just isn't fair.